I feel a very blessed woman, very blessed indeed, yet as a person with my personality my emotions run high and low. I had some very rough times through the years of 2004-2008 with my oldest son. As a teenager, I knew things would change, but to the degree they did I never would have imagined. These troubles led to troubles effecting our entire family. I have another son, born exactly nine years, to the date, as his brother. He is currently 11. In the year of 2006, month of August I found out I would be yet, another nine years having passed, having another child. A surprise, but one I felt might lessen the hurt that was agonizing my heart. Did it lessen any pain, not really. Although, the year I found out I was to have another child, I had before hand promised that I was going to try my hand at home schooling. I wasn't going to back out on my promise, and honestly it was a wonderful experience. Not only did my child, then 8, get lesson in subjects such as math, reading, grammar, history, but he had a wonderful year of hands on science watching the baby develop. My oldest was 17 at the time and continued to do his own thing not thinking of circumstances.
Since all of this, my husband and I at times could not agree with what we should do to straighten out his behavior. We went through the good, the bad, and the ugly, and were not able to hide it from my 8, then 9, then 10 year old. At the birth of my daughter we were all present. Including my oldest, as he wanted to be a part of our miracle. We all rejoiced as our little daughter, little sister emerged into this world. We named her Hope Elizabeth, as we all needed a little hope in our lives.
Now it isn't as though life miraculously changed for all of us, but slowly, things started to look brighter. Our oldest child went through a really bad spell after our daughter turned one. He was in school and had a breakdown and tried to take his life. I believe it more to be that he was seeking help and did not know where to turn. After his mandatory hospital stay, he was admitted to a mental lock down facility. This is how we found out what had been wrong the entire time. Now many teens do go through phases. But as a family friend told me once, "Kids will constantly be going through phases, as toddlers, young children, pre-teens, teens, young adults, and so on..." He is right. But with my son, we did have phases, but we also had a disorder. He is bi-polar, what his psychiatric team refers to as full-blown with an emphasis on mania. Upon hearing this I did realize, that he needed more than our "chats." He now regularly sees a psychiatrist and is on a good dose of medications to combat this disorder. Luckily, it does not stifle his creativity, if that had occurred I do not know if I could have made him take the medication.
Now we seem more normal, I feel a bit more normal. Even though normality is different for everyone. My oldest is going to start and hopefully not drop out of school this fall. I am still home schooling my now 11 year old son. And my Hope she is 2, and full of energy and big smiles for everyone. I still have two more children to go through puberty, teenage angst, and who really knows what surprises. I am not saying my oldest is completely healed, but things are looking up.
It can be a real difficulty raising children. But no matter what, I will not give up on them. In my opinion, God gave each child to me as a gift. And the struggles they face, I too must face. My husband and I are a team. And our children mean the world to the both of us. Despite our bickering, and to me, that is just a way to let off steam, we try our hardest to do what is best for them. My goal is to provide the world with three wonderful, intelligent human beings. And with each of the gifts that have been bestowed upon them, they may somehow, someway touch and change the heart of at least one person.
Thanks for reading my ramble.
Autumn Skye
***May the world one day be full of happy souls. A place where people love one another, and do not condemn. Happiness can be obtained quite easily, if you just put your judgements, angers, and jealousies aside. Accept people for who they are, for what they believe, and stop trying to tell them what they have to do to fit correctly into what certain people say correct society is. Society is what we make it. Let us all be ourselves, love each other, embrace the differences and see what a better world this can be.
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